I have
always struggled with my weight. I remember as far back as age 10 when my mom put me on meal replacement shakes & supplements from Herbal Life. I have always had a complex. Ive been very self conscious & had low self esteem issues that stemmed from my weight. I'm also an emotional eater, so that doesn't help matters either!
There has only been a few times in my life where I actually felt 'comfortable' in my own skin. That was when I was physically active & eating healthy between my Jr & Sr year of high school, about 11yrs later & once again, working on it now 9yrs later.
In addition to being obese, I have accumulated a laundry list of diagnosed health problems, some weight related & some not:
In 2010, my son & I moved back from a place we had moved to in 2006 to my birthplace so that he could be closer to family. I did not want to do it; I loved where I was at & had planned staying there to infinity, but I did it for him regardless of my wants & feelings. I became very unhappy very quickly. I ended up being diagnosed with depression. A few years prior to that, I had
been diagnosed with anxiety. Put the two together & you never go out
of the house. When you never go out of the house & you are
depressed & you are an emotional eater already, you eat & eat
& eat! On top of all of this, I was addicted to pain killers, which had gotten completely out of control. I was miserable from
being so overweight & from all of the physical pain I was in all the
time. My weight gain increased.
In 2013, my family went through a crisis that lasted about two years. During this time is when I decided that it was time for change, so I began detoxing. I started ridding my body of all medications, including the daily preventative medications for the migraines. I wanted to be clean & clear of everything that was not natural or organic.
Here is a pic from April 8, 2014. When I look back on this photo, I see a very unhappy & sad person. I was also in a lot of pain with being off the pain meds at this point. Completely miserable in body, soul & mind. I had reached a point where I was desperate to lose weight, but I was not willing to put the effort into it. I still coveted my food. Food was my comfort for everything & I hate going outside of my comfort zone! Anyone that truly knows me, knows this about me! And exercise? huh! There was absolutely NO WAY that was going to happen with all of the pain I was in physically! So, I decided I was going to try an "all natural diet pill". Apparently there wasn't anything I had to do to lose weight on this pill other than drink lots of water & eat somewhat healthy. Ha! Lets just face it, NOTHING works unless you have a healthy diet & exercise plan, at least not in my experience anyway!
In May 2014, my Dr flat out told me that I MUST lose weight. My body could not continue going down this path because it was breaking down from all of the weight I had been carrying & continued to gain. The choice was mine & there is no cure to the medical problems I have, so there really is only one viable option for me.... LOSE WEIGHT DUMMY! The Dr decided that the best option was weight loss surgery. I thought to myself, "Oh hey, I can do that. No problem. How hard can it be?" So I began the process. All sorts of appointments & preparation including educational classes. I am SO glad they made these educational classes a requirement because I learned soooo much! One of these classes was a nutrition class where I learned about a required pre & post surgery diet plan & a list of foods that I could have & could not have. I also met with the surgeon that told me I had to lose 9 pounds before they would go through with the surgery. I was like "ummm dude, if I could lose weight, I would not be here right now". Well, the pre-surgery diet actually helped me to lose those 9 pounds, BUT I could not come to terms with the LONG list of foods I had to give up..and for life!! So, I decided that I could not go through with the surgery. I was a little disappointed because I was looking forward to losing weight!
Jan 2, 2015 after meeting with my Dr & nutritionist, we modified my diet plan to a more "realistic" list of foods I could actually live with & without & Ive been on this "plan" ever since. I don't really like to call this a "diet plan" though because in my book this really isn't a diet because it doesn't even feel like one. Its simply changing my eating habits, that's all. I will tell you more about my eating habits in another post :)
End of April/Beginning of May 2015 - I implemented exercise!!
As I mentioned earlier, in my experience, nothing is going to work unless you have healthy eating habits AND you're exercising! When I began exercising, THAT is when I started to see results. THIS is when the motivation came & gave me the determination to keep going.
June 2, 2015, I was looking through some old photos & came across this one from 8/27/2005. I was remembering that I was at my thinnest post baby & almost meeting my high school weight. During this timeframe, I had also become a runner & LOVED working out at the gym. I remembered how good I felt in my own skin. So, on this day, I vowed to myself that I was going to start running again, so I went for a run, a short one! Its all history from there to the present!
As of today, August 24, 2015 I have lost 39 pounds. The pounds aren't falling off as fast as they were but that is because I have started lifting weights, and that's OK. What matters is that I am getting healthy & stronger! I still have a LONG road to travel to where I want to be comfortable in this skin again, but the more and more I keep going, the more and more I see results, the more and more I am gradually feeling better about everything.
